Now that summer is embarking on its last 12 days, I've decided to come up with a list of things I have learned these past 2 months. Honestly, this might be one of my favorite vacations so far, considering this is the most freedom I've had, well, ever. Maybe I didn't get to hang out with my friends as often as others did, but it was definitely more than I was allowed to last year or the years before that. So in honor of such an eventful summer, here are 7 discoveries I made after an amazing 104 days.
1. Risk over regret.
I've always been a pretty shy person. And if at first glance it doesn't seem that way, well, that probably means you don't know me very well. In fact, most of my friends like to joke about my bad case of RBF (resting b**ch face) because of my automatic disinterested expression and aloof nature. But in reality, it all just boils down to the fact I find meeting new people uncomfortable and awkward. Or maybe the situation itself isn't that bad, but I'm definitely not the best at it. So this summer, I challenged myself to just push past my limits and interact with reckless abandon.
And as scary as it initially felt, I finally managed to make one new and (eventually) good friend out of it. One person may not seem like a lot, but to me, it's definitely an accomplishment worth blogging about.
2. Trust in your ability to be independent.
As the youngest in my family, I've always been used to depending on others. I've never really needed to do anything on my own, and I've grown up with that kind of over-reliant mentality instilled in me. But now that I'm 16, the gears have shifted and I have all of a sudden been thrown into a world where I'm forced to deal with things (mostly) on my own. To be honest, it's quite intimidating especially since I often feel so vulnerable and naive amidst all these people who seem to have everything figured out. But it's okay. I'm learning.
Slowly, but surely-- I'm learning.
Photo courtesy of Joachim Gutierrez (the aforementioned new friend).
3. Making your bed every morning does make a difference.
A few weeks into my summer, I finally decided to get up from my usual spot in the crook of my bed and do a semi-rigorous cleaning of the room. The results immensely impressed me and the idea of seeing all my hard-work go to waste less than a week later completely broke my heart. So I made it a habit to make my bed every morning in order to set the mood of a neat and organized living space. This way, I would keep myself motivated to maintain the cleanliness I initially set instead of just messing up what I slaved over for hours to achieve.
4. Japan Home Center and The DIY Store are your best friends.
I can't tell you how much money I've spent binging on numerous P80 items from the aforementioned stores. I can now understand both the allure and danger of those dollar stores they preach about in the States-- cheap things have a way of manipulating you into purchasing in bulk, therefore, making you feel like you got the bang for your buck because you acquired so many little things for a relatively "little" amount, when in reality, you're actually leaving the store just a few dollars away from broke.
In my case, I invested on room organization items like scented candles and acrylic containers for my make-up products. And although my hoarding might not be the best habit, I definitely can't deny how proud I am of my purchases. The candle I got did wonders for making the room look and smell fancy, while the containers gave my cosmetics area a more polished and neater look.
I highly recommend taking a trip to these stores, but beware, your wallet may or may not be empty by the end of it.
5. It's okay to get rid of things that no longer serve its purpose.
And that works for people too. But before I get ahead of myself, I need to emphasize the importance of throwing out items that just take up unnecessary space. For me, that meant a bunch of old books that were gathering dust in the different corners and abandoned book cases of my room. Those held a lot of memories for me, considering my childhood was colored with those very novels, but I also knew that unless I moved some stuff out, I wouldn't have space for the new things that I liked now. My outdated clothing also faced a similar fate.
And just like them, some people in my life have also found themselves at the bottom of my contact list when they used to be at the top. It felt strange for a while, but I'm gradually learning that sometimes people come to stay, and sometimes people come to teach us a lesson. And even if you don't think you'll ever get used to that fact, one day you'll eventually realize that you like that person being a lesson much more anyway. And believe me, when that day comes, you'll be glad God forced you to spring clean those people out of your life when you did.
6. New music = New mindset.
Anyone who follows me on Snapchat and Spotify is no stranger to the fact that I've been recently getting into rap music. Particularly, Blackbear. I've always liked the swagger that one would feel after spitting a few bars, and I've all the more appreciated it this summer. I admire how rappers exude so much confidence and self-assurance, so as someone that's working her way to developing both, I'm finding that surrounding myself with people and things that promote that positive energy is definitely aiding in improving my chi.
Oh, and I've made a pretty interesting realization. Aside from rap, I've also gotten into mellow tracks, so that means I've got a lot of Hozier playing nowadays. And after listening to Like Real People Do and Jackie and Wilson on repeat for several hours, I've been feeling an indescribable sense of euphoria. Like everyday is summer, and youth and freedom are perpetually ever-present in the air. Hearing theses tunes have given me a newfound love for life that I never want to end. And I think this is exactly the kind of vibe you should wait for before falling in love with someone-- that endless, undefeatable, and infinite feeling you get when you listen to your favorite playlist.
7. It's not a crime to like how you look.
Sadly, us Filipinos have an unhealthy habit of shooting down any kind of seemingly shallow achievement that someone has. If your friend posts a photo of his new car, you can bet that the comments section will be filled with "Ikaw na!" or different variations of the classic "How to be you, po!". Yes, it's supposed to be a joke. But in reality, it's not a coincidence that the phrase "all jokes are half-meant" is as popular as it is. And that's because with every "light" quip on someone's success, comes a not-so-deeply hidden spark of jealousy and bitterness for your lack of it.
So when I decided to get my hair dip-dyed brown as part of my "risk over regret" summer mindset, I eventually learned this lesson when I found myself hesitating over Instagram's Post button after taking yet another selfie that highlighted my new do. I was scared that people would think that I was conceited or vain for putting out another picture of myself on the internet. "What if they think, 'Grabe, nagagandahan talaga siya sa sarili niya' ?" I worried. But then it was that exact moment that the thought crossed my mind that I posted the photo anyway. I realized how sad it was that I feared people thinking I liked how I looked. When I decided to change up my hair, I had so many concerns about what others would say about it. But I pushed through with that anyway because, personally, I was tired of seeing the same old black hair everyday. I was unhappy, and I wanted a change. And without a doubt, the splash of color in my locks definitely inspired a newfound love for my appearance. So of course, the sudden increase of my selfies showed that, but somehow I was hoping no one would notice.
But now I'm done trying to downplay the self-love I'm starting to have for myself. I've struggled with body image for years and now that I'm beginning to finally accept, and maybe even like, what I see in the mirror, I can't let my fear of the opinions of others slow down that progress.
So I did it. I posted that selfie and I didn't allow myself to measure my worth by the likes that came in later.
Call me vain. Call me conceited. Tell me I like myself too much. It doesn't matter. Because if I'm happy, then the selfies and the self-love shall continue with or without your sarcastic comments.
8. It's okay to be alone.
While summer is often infamous for being "breakup season", it also has a reputation for being "get-together time". With so much spare hours and freedom, couples are sprouting left and right, their romantic posts making up a majority of my social media feeds. Personally, most of my friends have either found or stabilized relationships over the break, leaving me and just a few others as the singles of the squad. And while I'm happy that they've found someone, it can get quite daunting when everyone is out with their significant other, while you're home watching bootleg horror movies on YouTube.
But after a lot of contemplating, I've learned that it's okay.
I'm not at a point in my life where I can share my love with someone else, simply because, to be honest, I am still at a lack for my own self. Until now, I'm quite unsure about many things regarding my personality and my priorities, so I definitely cannot confuse myself further by adding another factor to that already messy equation. Right now, I just want to focus on my craft, expanding my horizons, and studying for the CETs. I have a lot I need to fix first before I can help fix someone else. And although I commend my friends who can balance both, I know I cannot do the same. Maybe they're blessed with the ability to spread themselves out, but multitasking has never been my forte.
So I think, the only person who deserves my time, attention, and love right now is myself.
And guess what? That's okay.
Photo courtesy of Joachim Gutierrez