Since we were in kindergarten, every time someone challenged us to play in the monkey bars our competitive and passionate nature always forced us to bruise our palms and wound our fingers as we refused to let go of those steel pipes just to make sure we would be the last one hanging.
So now that we’ve grown up, we can't deny the truth of what our obsession over the jungle gym tells us: We have always been programmed to hold onto things even when it starts to hurt us.
And this fact still manifests in all of us today.
Maybe now it's a goal: you're working day and night to become the honor student your parents want you to be. But behind every A+ is a whole field of negative paths you took in order to get it-- sleepless nights, early morning cram sessions, mealtimes traded in for Math test reviewing, anxiety-infused insomnia, isolation from the social world, and overexertion-related health risks. You tell yourself it's all worth it though, because at least you're keeping your family proud. But as you watch the increasing rate of your medals’ status, you can't help but notice the equally decreasing condition of your mental state.
Sometimes it's an object: you spend 2 month's worth of allowance on that highly-acclaimed make up collection to cover up your seemingly never-ending acne. Once you finally buy the set and parade your fully-baked face out in public, you're trying to keep that proud smile on your face while your "#nofilter" selfie streams in hundreds of likes and positive comments. But the inevitable itching, redness, and dryness of your skin underneath all those layers makes your grin waver every time the cosmetics have been washed off, and you see the reality that remains.
Other times it's an idea: you're doing all these ridiculous and uncharacteristic activities with your friends, insulting the innocents just to make your peers laugh and uphold the "funny one" role of your group, or partaking in things you know you shouldn't simply because you don't want to look lame in front of them. "It's okay," you might still tell yourself after. But at the end of the day, when you come home and your family is startled by your presence because they didn't recognize you upon entrance, you start to wonder if them not knowing who you were goes beyond just bad eyesight.
But most of the time, it's a person: you've invested so much time on them to the point that you can't even look at the most mundane things without wondering how they'd react if they were beside you, seeing it too. You've invested so much effort on them to the point that midnights seem incomplete unless they're voice is coming from the other end of the phone, rants and musings going unfiltered as you talk until topics gradually turn into the sound of them breathing and the sun begins to eavesdrop. And most importantly, you've invested so much emotion on them to the point that every feeling that courses through your veins can somehow be traced back to their name. It’s ridiculous and obsessive, but you convince yourself it’s alright because you care for them anyway. But secretly, it’s already intoxicating and somewhere in the back of your mind, you know that no kind of addition ever proved to be good for anyone
But you already know all that, don't you? I mean, there are only 2 reasons why you could be reading this right now: Either, a.) You want to release someone or something, or b.) You don't.
It is difficult at times to know whether to stop or keep going, to walk away or to stay. No one trained us for this nor does an accurate manual or YouTube How-To video exists. All you have is yourself.
While I was in the middle of writing this piece, I realized something important.
Change is the only constant in this world, you might have heard or read this somewhere, and people claim it was originally quoted by Greek philosopher Heraclitus but some state that it was attributed incorrectly. It’s not actually the quote that’s important; I want you to realize the necessity of wrapping your mind around the fact that everything, tangible or not, is subject to change or can slip away at any moment. It sounds depressing, I know, but it’s
That’s not a typographical error, nothing follows. I had no intention of leaving the paragraph above unfinished, but I stopped halfway because I had an epiphany: I already did that. There was a point in my life where I had to leave something dear to me, and upon entering a new phase I was certain that it was what I needed to do in order to move on and face every challenge that awaits me. Three years after that-- a little too late I guess-- is only when I realized it was a dumb thing to do. I restricted myself from making new memories and being happy; I thought I was being brave for not having anything to hold on to, but I was just scared of getting hurt. It was not moving on or letting go but building higher walls.
Letting go seems frightening because of the thought that you’ll be walking the opposite direction alone after, but remember that you were on your own before and you managed to survive. Don’t think that letting go will leave you with nothing and don’t let it hinder you from seeing the good in the world. Find something that will pull you back up or make you realize that you have a purpose even if it’s just a simple one. There are things that will make you happy; you just have to find them. Fresh air will do you good. The world is waiting for you. Don’t lock yourself up. Getting hurt is inevitable, so open your heart and mind to different possibilities and opportunities.
Don’t force yourself to forget; cherish and learn from your experiences, good or bad.
It’s not something that occurs to us one morning when we wake up. I believe it is a gut feeling that’s likely been overlooked until those instances are numerous enough to make us realize that something isn’t right. It is only then that you’ll be able to reason out if it’s time–to let go.
Think of all the times you had that gut feeling, even if they’re hazy memories, try to find out why it occurred or what generated it.
Assess whether all invested time and effort have positively contributed to you or will benefit you in the long run.
Ask yourself, are there things you wanted to do but couldn’t because of it? Are there things that you did but didn’t want to?
Did you ever feel tired at some point? How do you feel right now?
Determine if you’re satisfied with the present situation. Are you waiting for it to get better? Is it holding you back?
Bur mostly, assess if you deserve to be where you are right now.
If you answered no to that last question then
This Is When You Know It’s Time to Let Go.
This was a collaboration with Cheska Romero and Teriz Castro. Click here to check out Cheska's blog, and here for Teriz's blog and here for her photography.
This can also be viewed on the Issuu website or app as a digital zine. Click here to see it.