Ever since I started my Twitter cleanse a few weeks ago, my procrastination tendencies have definitely been remedied. Of course I still get distracted every once in a while, but there's really only so much I can do on other social media platforms without getting bored after a few minutes. But this week, I've decided to tell you all about a new digital detox I'm embarking on.
After Twitter, there's no doubt that Instagram is my next most used app. So every moment I feel like slacking off or avoiding my schoolwork, I always flock to check out other people's feeds or edit my own. In the beginning, I didn't spend too much time on it-- I mean, there's not really a lot to do except take photos and stalk people-- so I couldn't procrastinate for long.
But when I started seeking for a new outlet to release my stress and constrained creativity, Instagramming quickly went from being a simple past-time activity to a present-time addiction. I was constantly browsing the app, forgoing my responsibilities in favor for hashtags, likes, and filters. I kept telling myself I'd get back to my work as soon as I reached the last of the newly posted content, but with an astounding 600+ following list, you can probably expect that I'd only get off the app after a good 2 hours.
This went on for a while until my tests got back to me and suddenly, no amount of VSCO filters could cover up how ugly those grades looked.
I knew I needed to make a change, and I knew I needed to make it fast.
The first thing I did was determine what my main reason was for using Instagram-- if back in 2012 I used it as a way to display my favorite memories, I couldn't deny that nowadays I was using it to compete with everyone else's feeds or experiences. I was so focused on portraying a lifestyle better than my own that I lost track of the true essence of sharing photos, and that was to express who you are through the things you want to immortalize.
Like a teen going through strange phases, my feed went through various transformations before I got it to really reflect my true personality.
There was the extremely bright and saturated feed. I told myself that it authentically represented how much of a bubbly and energetic person I was, but in reality, I was only lying and trying to mirror Eva Gutowski's photos. Although I am animated, I know calling myself "exuberant" or "vivacious" would definitely be a stretch.
Then there was the faded pink feed. Honestly, I'm not so sure what I was trying to achieve with this. The lack of brightness and presence of calm undertones made me convince myself that I was just following my innate "relaxed" personality, but looking back it, this was just my attempt to re-create Shannice Bishop's feed. Plus, although I may not be hyperactive, I'm certainly far from chill.
I kept trying out different looks in hopes to finally receive that glorious "I love your feed!" comment from my followers. But nothing was really working out. My Instagram was going through that dreaded "awkward teen phase" wherein it didn't know who it was, so it tried being what it thought everyone else wanted.
But when I finally made the decision to compose an account built on honesty and authenticity, I gradually watched as it grew out of this identity crisis.
After completely cleaning out all my photos, I was down to a new slate. It was with a saddened heart that I realized during my cleansing process that the number one reason why most of my past content even existed was because I had someone in mind while creating it. There was always another person who served as my motivation to post the photo-- whether it was to show them how much better my life looked without their presence, or simply just because I wanted to get their like, I didn't really have any pictures that I showcased for my own personal enjoyment.
I couldn't live like that anymore, so with my new feed, I decided I wouldn't.
Today, I've finally found a theme that reflects my personality perfectly. Pastel is a manifestation of cooled-down bright colors; it juxtaposes contrasting elements in order to achieve a beautiful blend of vibrancy and softness. So just like me, it's a paradox that shines by knowing it doesn't need to be figured out. It's a mix of light and dark that never feels pressured to be one more than the other.
After I figured out my color scheme, I went on to eradicate the next most toxic part of my Instagramming experience, which is it's distracting aspect. I'm always trying to keep tabs on the life of my friends, plus the adventures of my favorite icons. But often, my simple curiosity trips over the fine line that divides it from obsession. I knew this was unhealthy, so I found a way to segregate my attention by dividing where I follow my peers and where I follow celebrities.
By unfollowing all the online personalities from my main account and following them on a separate one, the only thing left on my timeline was the photos of the people I knew in real life with the exception of companies and shops I associated myself with, thus making me less distracted when I tried to sneak in a procrastination session in between study hours. It's only been a day since this shift in my account occurred, but I can already see some pretty great results.
Although it feels a little bittersweet to put restrictions on my usage of social media, I know this is all for a good cause. I like surfing the web because it exposes me to different things I otherwise would not learn on my own, but I know cannot continue doing this unless I've firmly established my individuality so that I don't absorb too much of my surroundings.
Afterall, I have spent too long trying to be a carefully curated version of myself, that I think it's just right that I'm finally deciding to mean it when I say "#nofilter".
